The Grubgulp Letters – #1

My Dear Toadwaft,

Your report on your Person and her latest activities has filled me with delicious delight.  Nothing gives me greater joy than to revel in the fact that People can be so gullible!  And so easily misled.

Of course, we already know all know this, so it hardly needs a mention again.  That little incident in the Garden may seem like child’s play now, but really, They haven’t changed all that much. At the bottom of it all lies the notion that what they are doing is becoming more like Their God.  These days They decorate it with the notion that they are more pleasing to Him.

I was practically wringing my hands in ecstasy when I read that your Charge has decided to homeschool her children!  Homeschooling is a funny thing.  When it goes wrong, it goes horribly wrong, but when it goes right, well, there is no end to the celebration! It depends on the Reason for homeschooling and I was jumping for joy when I heard that she was doing it because of Fear!  I was especially pleased with how you managed to help her think that it was a ‘godly’ kind of Fear, and I laughed out loud when I saw her patting herself on her back for doing it for the ‘right’ reasons.

Of course, now she has the difficult task of choosing the ‘right’ curriculum for her precious children.  You must not let her out of your sight! This is imperative. One small blink and we may lose her, but if we are careful she and her children will be ours. Think of the rejoicing that will happen Down Here!

Above all else, you must let her feel wary and afraid of anything that might cause her children’s souls to be at stake. She is right that they are at stake, but you must let her feel that danger is lurking around every corner and from unexpected sources. In this regard, our Enemy can be our Friend.

Direct her to those homeschool curriculum suppliers that promise to produce ‘godly’ results.  This may sound counter-intuitive, but from my experience, it works.  She must feel that if she would only follow the advice given she will have ‘godly’ children.

Looking forward to your next report,


The above letter is a work of fiction. Any similarities to The Screwtape Letters may be intentional.  My apologies to C.S. Lewis.  For more letters, click on the Grubgulp Letters category.


About yewnique

I am a Malaysian-born woman who is married to an Australian and now live in Melbourne, Australia. I am a mother to four children. I home school. I like reading, writing, and cooking -- not necessarily in that order. I care about grammar and spelling, but am nonchalant about the Oxford Comma. I try to follow Christ's teachings.

Posted on Sunday, April 3rd, 2011, in Fiction, Grubgulp Letters, Home Schooling, Writing. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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